From my last post, I would like to update that my grandmother was moved into hospice, and passed away on November 6th. I went home before they moved her into hospice, and was able to see her when she was still capable of waking up. The day they moved her into hospice was the last day she woke up, and she was in a comatose state for a day and a week. She died exactly 41 days before I graduate, and the funeral was shortly after her death. Just like at my grandfather’s funeral, they had the grandkids and great-grandkids take up a rose to put in a vase. Since some couldn’t make it back in time for the funeral, I ended up carrying 3 roses. Usually, I love roses; partially because my middle name is Rose and I’ve just always loved that connection, but this time not so much. As I was carrying the roses, I pricked myself on one of the thorns and started bleeding a bit. I know how ironic or funny it seems, a Rose injured by a rose, but I still have the scar after 7 days.
One thing that weirdly helped me survive the funeral was the US election. Before you read anything into that, let me explain. The funeral was the day after the election or 7 hours after the president-elect was announced. I couldn’t sleep that night, so I decided to stay up and keep checking to see who the next president would be. As an American, I voted earlier while I was home in case I was unable to come back on the actual election day. Since I am a somewhat educated female in her early 20s, I didn’t vote for Trump. In fact, I am so against Trump and his campaign that the Republican in me voted for a Democrat for the first time ever (I voted for Mitt Romney in 2012 even). If I tried to describe how much I despise Trump and his supporters, it would quickly turn into a heated argument that would be about as long as a final essay for a graduate level course. So I won’t say any more of my opinions on Trump other than this; whenever I felt like crying at the funeral I would just remind myself that Trump won. Then, I would become angrier instead of sad, and I wouldn’t cry. It’s not that I couldn’t cry or thought that crying was a form of weakness like I did when my grandfather passed, but more like I didn’t want my family to judge me for crying. I know my parents and brother wouldn’t judge me, but some of my other relatives can be kind of harsh to deal with. They are so quick to judge others that I felt like if they saw how ugly my face gets when I cry, they’d be sure to bring it up anytime I saw them and never really let me surpass it. So I didn’t cry due to my anger at Trump winning, but I was still sad and accepting that it is okay to feel sad or angry. I haven’t bottled up my feelings like I did last time, so hopefully I will survive and not spiral back down into depression. Thanks to everyone who has read this blog update, and was praying for my family after the last update. 2016 has really sucked so far, hasn’t it? Let me know in the comments the best thing that has happened to you so far this year, so that I can regain a little bit of hope for humanity.